Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
