What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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