She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
