So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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