For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
