Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize