thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
