woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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