he wants to bone in the snuggie
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize