Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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