my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
