u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
