New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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