i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
