Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
