My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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