That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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