I'll bet she douches with gravy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
