The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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