The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
