What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
