I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
ok first of all what the fuck
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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