Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
