I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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