i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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