He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
