The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
