I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
