just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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