im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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