between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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