glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
