I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
