I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
