I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
