5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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