Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
