I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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