How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
