Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
