how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
