it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
