I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
