If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
