I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
