Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
