We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
one might say we're banned from that church
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
