Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
