Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
