Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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