the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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