So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
