god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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