I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
