what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dating After Heartbreak
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing