nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
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I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018