He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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