marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
