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(508): View more from Massachusetts

you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken

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(508): you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken http://tfl.nu/rlnm

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(312): View more from Illinois

so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?

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(312): so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion? http://tfl.nu/og9d

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?

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(202): He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common? http://tfl.nu/fh8y

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.

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(303): I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more. http://tfl.nu/r5mk

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(317): View more from Indiana

Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.

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(317): Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will. http://tfl.nu/znpi

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(316): View more from Kansas

The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.

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(316): The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts. http://tfl.nu/ngvo

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(732): View more from New Jersey

His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'

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(732): His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.' http://tfl.nu/onxp

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(515): View more from Iowa

i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.

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(515): i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/608m

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(360): View more from Washington

Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.

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(360): Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible. http://tfl.nu/9lv1

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(406): View more from Montana

We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.

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(406): We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned. http://tfl.nu/5o0t

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(250): View more from British Columbia

You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.

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(250): You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you. http://tfl.nu/tyfl

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(424): View more from California

Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?

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(424): Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo? http://tfl.nu/93zn

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.

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(+44): Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine. http://tfl.nu/vcvu

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick

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(570): I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick http://tfl.nu/k83b

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(210): View more from Texas

I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.

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(210): I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do. http://tfl.nu/dd4u

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