K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.