Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
