You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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