Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
