the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
