Your face is a jimmy john
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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