And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
