also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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