I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
