doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
