don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
