It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf