I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.