You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
