It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.