I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
