New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
