Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
