thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
