you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
